on body commentary, again.

i'm sure i've ranted about this here before, but here it comes again.

i hate body commentary. why? because it goes hand-in-hand with fat shaming and body policing. telling me i look good because you think i've lost weight DOES NOT FEEL GOOD and it never will. period. i'm not going to rehash the reasons for this or the assumptions implied here - i've done that in another post and am too amped up and angry to go looking for it to link here.

this morning i was out for brunch with two people who are very important to me. i'm not going to say who they are, but they are permanent fixtures in my life. i have really only seen them once this summer, and that was the day i moved, so they asked to see photos from my summer. i took out my phone and gladly let them scroll through my many photos - mostly of food, my cat, friends, and various trips i've taken alone and with friends. after looking through these photos, there was one of me taken by my friend's son, who is four. the person looking at the photos said "wow, it looks like you've lost weight this summer judging by these photos, particularly this one". now, the funny thing is that the particular photo was taken about FOUR DAYS ago, so no, i have not lost weight since that photo was taken. also, what the FUCK does it matter if i've lost weight (or not) this summer?? you say you are interested to know about my life, you see hundreds of photos of me smiling, exploring, camping, swimming, traveling, laughing with friends, and your ONLY comment is "it looks like you've lost weight". not only is this hurtful for me, it makes me sad for you. the fact that you can look at all of these photos of someone you claim to REALLY care about, and all you see is body size is absolutely heart-breaking to me.

but this is what my life seems to boil down to for this person. how big or small i am and how much and what types of food i decide to put in MY body (side note - this person also called me "an oinker" because the breakfast i ordered today was quite large). it just breaks my heart. i don't know HOW to stop this body commentary. i say "i actually prefer if you don't comment on my body and i will not comment on your body, ever", but that doesn't seem to make any difference. it's like hitting my head against a brick wall of judgment and fat-shame and i am so fucking sick of it.