And now for something a little different: Some excerpts from a series of play by play emails I sent to a friend this morning. A little background: Her ceiling has been leaking, she is out of town, a plumber had to come today, so I came by to sit while they worked.
9:14am
i think i hear them coming down the stairs now.....
nope, just someone doing laundry. possibly the hippie from upstairs.
wait...ya it's the guy and the plumber. man, this guy is so awkward.
it's the same plumber from last week and he is still just as personable as before. pretty sure he's gonna try to murder me.
oh, the landlord guy just came back with a broom and plastic. definitely not enough plastic to be useful, but at least he's trying? he definitely had no friends in high school.
expect more uncomfortable email updates from the homefront
9:18am
plumber breathes like a zombie.
i am scared.
9:22am
you're definitely gonna want to wash your bath tub.
the plumber is swearing and grunting. looks like this'll be an all day kinda job
9:36am
now there's another man here.
he is wearing plaid shorts and moccasins and looks concerned.
he says "hmm. it's hard to tell where it's leakin' from"
uh. duh buddy.
now there are three of them in your bathroom scratching their heads
they gave me phone numbers:
plumber (a.k.a. zombie mouth breather) ### ### ####
landlord guy 1 (a.k.a. awkward mc stutters): ### ### ####
landlord guy 2: ### ### #### (in italy for the next two weeks, so he is useless apparently)
9:38am
i think awkward mc stutters and zombie mouth breather might fight. okay, maybe not fight but between the stuttering and the mumbling, neither has a clue what the other is saying and it *could* result in fisticuffs.
good thing i brought my camera. this shit's youtube gold.
9:52am
what kind of a plumber doesn't have WD40? i mean, really.
stutters is trying to clean around the zombie and he is RIGHT in his way. i really hope they fight.
apparently the guy upstairs doesn't have a shower curtain? i think that's what stutters said but who the fuck knows.
sorry about all of the emails. well, i'm not sorry because this should be a fucking sit com. not the situation because that's not funny, but this scenario. fucking awesome.
9:56am
so the zombie doesn't have an answering machine or a car.
he wants you to call if it starts leaking, but you can't leave a message and he can't get here to look at it.
stutters is going to pick the zombie up monday so he can finish the work.
then moccasins will redo the dry wall to fix the hole int he ceiling.
they are gone now, so this will be my last email. you're welcome for the minute by minute updates.
