until this year, valentine's day has always just passed as another day. nothing notable, nothing special, no mention of any fabricated bullshit holiday. this year, for some reason, it felt like EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT FUCKING VALENTINE'S DAY. and it's no because more of my friends are partnered this year. facebook was filled with mentions of self-love, owning one's singlehood, reminders that we are all special and need to love ourselves today because OMG IT'S LOVE DAY, GUYS.
so here's the thing: it's still bullshit.
i work very hard at self-love. i put a lot of energy into self-love every single goddamn day. someone demanding that i love myself on a day that is made for couples to buy each other shit, go out to eat, and buy each other shitty chocolate has nothing to do with my self-love process. i don't need a reminder that it's okay to be single and that i need to love and take care of myself, as if without this validation i may not realize that my relationship status need not have an impact on my worth or happiness.
i know that this is all well-intentioned, and i know that these public professions of self and friend love have more to do with folks reminding themselves of this as part of their own process. my issue is that this over-the-top lovedayfest (spoiler: calling it 'love day' or 'heart day' doesn't make it less of a fabricated holiday designed to make us want to spend money) belittles this struggle. you know what would be nice? a reminder to take care of myself and love myself on a random day when no one is celebrating anything. it's important to check in with ourselves and our friends/partners about these things all the time. framing this as a demand (a la "LOVE YOURSELF!!!!") doesn't make me more likely to love myself. it frames it as a choice, not a struggle. it frames it as an issue of importance as prescribed by the date on the calendar, not an ongoing process that deserves space and importance throughout the year.
am i bitter about being single on valentine's day? no, not really. but i don't need the calendar to determine when self-love is important. i don't need profound facebook statuses to help me realize that i'm important. i work fucking hard at these things all the time and i don't need a goddamn pat on the back because it's february 14th.
