unplugging

this weekend i'm going on a camping trip that has potential to be rather physically challenging. i went on a similar trip two years ago and that was my first time in a canoe since about 1995 (and that time was a terrible experience, after which i swore i would never get in another canoe). on this trip two years ago, i started out feeling unsure but excited and ended the trip feeling FUCKING peaceful and powerful and happy with my physical strength. as we came to the end of the last lake and pulled our canoe into the pier to return it and end our trip, there were two young men making extremely inappropriate and loud fat jokes directed at me. at first, it was extremely upsetting. here i had just had this amazing trip and my first interaction with human beings (aside from the one friend i was camping with) was fatphobia. awesome. i did my best to not let it impact me, though, and reflected on the trip positively.

we didn't get a chance to go out last year, which was heart-breaking, but this weekend, we are headed out again. except that this year we are going further in the same amount of time. which means more intense travel and portaging. part of me is feeling a bit intimidated and unprepared for this, but there's another part of me screaming FUCKING RIGHT WE'RE GONNA DO THIS. there are just two of us going, so it is sure to be both peaceful and taxing at the same time.

i really wish i could turn off the part of my brain that tells me i'm not strong enough to do this. i wish i didn't have a nagging "what the fuck are you doing?" feeling in my gut.

this should be interesting